Response:

I’m concerned that you got into this relationship when you were only 20 years old and have spent the last three years in a co-dependent relationship with someone with a drug and alcohol addiction. It doesn’t sound like you have been able to experience the real value of a loving relationship between two adults. I sense in your letter that with the resumption of his drinking that you know what is coming next and do not want to go through any more of that. That is a good instinct. You want to move forward in your life with love and respect instead of anger and resentment. Again, I applaud you for that. The way to let go with loving kindness is to be so firmly established in the love, in your love, that you are not pulled into actions that feed his dysfunctional behavior. If we are not secure in our love, we may think that being loving to an addict means you need to be the person that is there to support and guide them. But that is often an adopted version of what love looks like that we pick up from family or society, and not the actual feeling of love and kindness from heart and the core of our Being. It takes deep introspection, experience and wisdom to learn the difference and learn to live in the light of that love regardless of how it looks to others from the outside. And that would include the scenario where you stay strong in your love, let go of your need to act in your old role and possibly remain with him for the time being. Ultimately it’s about making that spiritual and loving transition in yourself and then following wherever that may lead.

Love,

Deepak